Ray Sullivan SciFi Zone: Da Dan Brown Code

Friday 9 December 2011

Da Dan Brown Code - Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

Everyone in the room looked at Lady Bartholomew, who turned very red. Bradford searched for another source of water to throw over her until he realised it was anger causing the glow.

‘Sorry, Lady Bartholomew, my mistake,’ said Surly, pressing a button and speaking into a microphone. ‘Snivell, you French faggot, rustle up a fresh chapter involving the buffoons of policemen or the morons from Blackpool, and a change of ball gown for her Ladyship might be a good idea.’ He sat back and waited for chapter thirty one to arrive.

Luckily, for all concerned, fresh chapters are never that far away in this style of adventure. Usually they pop along way too early for most readers and way too soon for characters building up for the big show piece action part involving improbable skills and unlikely locations. For example, it wouldn’t be out of order for a manservant of a Lord of the Realm to be secretly conspiring with the arch villain of the plot while residing out of chapter in the kitchen of the stately home, when in fact he should be arranging for a new chapter to be provided.

‘P-P-Pleeeeeeease!’ moaned Lady Bartholomew, hopping from leg to leg. The speaker buzzed and the pathetically stereotyped French whinging accent followed.

‘I’m, how you say, sorry for the delay Monsieur Teabin’, but I was on the phone to Monsieur Bino to plan a plot diversion. Could you repeat the request, please?’ Surly opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Snivell. ‘And you’re not a Lord of ze Realm, either, you’ve only just been knotted,’ he sniffed. Bradford looked amazed.

‘So you got yourself a knighthood, Surly?’ he asked. ‘Not just plain old Lee Shirley ‘Surly’ Teabing anymore?’

‘Surely Sir Lee Shirley ‘Surly’ Teabing must be close to being a Lord?’ asked Belsen, copping a belt from Lady Bartholomew, who then had to manage holding the waist of her ball gown without it. Surly blushed and spoke to the assembled group before addressing Snivell using the microphone.

‘Sir Lee Shirly ‘Surly’ Teabing might be easy for you to say, but I reckon Lord Lee Teabing has an easier ring to it. Snivell, a new chapter, without us, now, The mansion, 89 Teabing Road, Lincoln. And put a first class stamp on it.’

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Missed the beginning? Click here to go to Chapter One

'Da Dan Brown Code' will be published in early January as 'The Last Simple'. Anyone who is registered as following either my blog or Twitter account will receive instructions on how to obtain a free e-copy of 'The Last Simple' shortly after it is published.

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